Two Lives

Life seems strange to me, and I never thought I would ever be in the position I am in. For the longest time, I lived what many thought to be the ideal life. However, that was only when viewed from a distance. As time went on, it became more and more evident that the ideal life I had always wanted simply was not to be.

From that point, I moved into the next stage and started a second life in Omaha. This new stage was not all that different from where I was before. I was simply working in a different city, but the rest of my life remained in Des Moines. My work was always a separate part of my life before, so this was not all that different. I still had a work life and a home life. It was just that my work life was much further away and lasted a full week rather than just the work day. However, being away from the kids was very difficult for me for a long time. Especially when I would get those late calls at night and hear my little girl crying because daddy was not there. As time went on however, this lessened and things became a little easier (for the little ones as well as for myself).

The next stage was for me to actually start a life outside of work here in Omaha. This was a bit of a difficult step for me. I have never been really big on going out and meeting new people. However, I met Lindsey, and things began to change. The more time I spent with Lindsey, the shorter the weeks became. Before, I would always look forward to the weekends, and going back to Des Moines to see the kids. Now, things are not so simple. Part of me still looks forward to seeing my kids on the weekend. However, now I am also torn because I want to be able to stay and spend time with Lindsey as well. I am going to start alternating weekends in order to be able to have a little of both.

A final stage? This part is a little difficult for me to talk about, and I have no idea how far off this will be, and is really just speculation at this point in time. However, I have come to realize that I can not continue the current stage indefinately. Driving back and forth takes a lot out of a person, and eventually, I am going to need to progress to another stage. I could be wrong, but ultimately, I think I will need to get back to having one life, and that life will be here in Omaha. The hard part about this is in order for it to really work, I need my kids to be happy... and for the little ones to be happy, they need someone there. This leaves me in a bit of a predicament. However, as much as I hate to say it... there is a solution to this, and I think eventually, it will come to pass. Michelle needs to meet someone that makes her happy, and that can be there for my little ones. Like I said, this part is difficult for me to talk about. The bottom line is, I can't be in two places at once, and I want them to be happy. However, I deserve to be happy too, and this is the only way I can see that happening.

Anyway, for now I will stick with having two lives and alternate weekends. Sorry for the lengthy post, but I wanted to share where I am at right now, and how I am torn between my two lives, and wanting to be in two places at once. I love spending time with my little ones, but at the same time, I have been happier the last couple of months than I have been in MANY years. I don't want that happiness to ever end.